Photobucket

Hope and Shatterproof Glass - Saving the Vorwuls since 3289
...in a cage!
turps33
turps33
Hope and Shatterproof Glass
If I don't post this now I'll chicken out.

This is my entry for picfor1000, a challenge to write a story in exactly 1000 words, based on a picture prompt. It's one of them anyway, the popslash one is coming soon.

This is MCR gen, Mikey and Gerard, and man, this feels like I'm posting my first The Sentinel story way back when. *gnaws fingernails*

Thank go to ephemera_pop and frausorge who both reassured and helped give me the confidence to actually post. I've changed and added stuff since then, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.





Mikey finds the bottles in a dumpster; a glinting light against dusty glass, and some instinct has him leaning in – plastic digging into his chest, his nose wrinkling at the scent of decay.

They feel old, look old, and he’s carefully lifting, pushing them into his bag, surrounded by folders and the half eaten remains of his lunch.

When he gets home he nods to his mom and hurries upstairs, heading for the sanctuary of his room. Once there he shuts the door, places his bag on his bed and takes off his coat, shedding the layers of his day.

He doesn’t look at the bottles; not then.

Instead he rubs his grimy hands on his pants, looks out of his window and watches the boys next door. They’re playing ball, smiling faces and laughter, and he has to look away. Movements quick and awkward, his hip connects with a haphazard pile of CDs, making them clatter to the floor.

He steps over them, folds himself down onto his bed, onto rumpled jersey sheets and stained pillows. Lying back, his head resting on his bent arm, one ear close to the wall. He listens; hopes.

Within minutes he knows. Too sharp laughter and a series of thuds and he’s already pushing himself up when the door opens and Gerard stumbles into the room.

Gerard’s eyes are rounded, pupils blown and he’s grinning. A jagged brittle smile.

“Mikey!”

He moves forward, steps deliberate, and Mikey’s skin is itching as he remains still, not shrinking away when Gerard sits and slings one arm around Mikey’s shoulder.

“Mikeyway. I have had the best day.”

Gerard’s breath is alcohol and cigarettes and his voice is shattered shards covering a misery that plunges bone deep. Mikey knows. He knows. Except Gerard got there first and Mikey’s nothing but a spectator now.

He watches, intercepts, covers up for and smoothes, all the while wondering if that’s the right thing to do. He doesn’t even know anymore, lost in a tangle of love and hate and a thousand sleepless nights.

“It was the best, the best day.” Gerard’s smile fades, slipping as his eyes lose focus and he slumps to the side, heavy and warm and Mikey blinks as he hooks his arm around Gerard’s waist, holding on.

They sit, quiet, breathing, and Mikey is hyper aware of the sensation of Gerard’s hair against his neck. He looks at Gerard’s hands, lax against the covers, nails bitten and yellowed. – and Mikey bites at his bottom lip as he moves, easing Gerard onto the bed with the ease of practice.

It takes moments to pull off Gerard’s boots, letting them drop to the floor with a thud, and Mikey tugs at the blanket, freeing it from under Gerard’s body so he can carefully cover him up.

When Mikey slides to the ground he reaches for the bowl, putting it toward the head of the bed, then settles back, knees bent, spine pushed against the edge of the mattress, listening to his brother sleep. It’s then he reaches for the bottles, pulling them out of his bag. The glass feels tacky, covered in dust and Mikey uses his finger to carve a path, a ribbon of gleaming glass exposed through the dirt.

He writes his name, Mikey around one bottle, Gerard on the next. The third he leaves blank, holding it in both hands marvelling that something so fragile has survived so long.

It gives him hope, that something so battered, so delicate and easily broken has survived, because Mikey worries, only able to watch as Gerard’s drinking damages him a little more each day.

“Mikey.”

Gerard’s voice is rough, spiked like it’s lodged somewhere deep in his throat.

When Mikey tilts back his head and looks along the length of blanket, he sees Gerard looking at him. Face pale and eyes damp, and there’s awareness in his expression. It’s suffocated within the manifestation of his demons, but still, it’s there.

It’s why Mikey sticks around, taking the swinging emotions, the silences, the too bright smiles, spends hours waiting for Gerard to push through the haze and become his real brother once more.

“Hey,” Mikey says softly, and the tightness in his chest eases as he hears Gerard breathe.

“I drew. I drew something today, it was good. It was.” Gerard blinks, his forehead wrinkled and he’s staring, as if there are answers hidden in Mikey’s face. “Something.” Gerard smiles, genuine happiness without the bolster of drink and Mikey remembers hours spent watching Gerard draw, sketch books and fingers stained with ink.

Then it’s gone, this moment of normalcy fading as Gerard sighs, giving into sleep.

Carefully placing the bottles near the wall, Mikey kneels and tucks the blanket more securely against Gerard’s chin; taking a moment to rest his fingers against Gerard’s neck, his touch gentle, feeling the beat against his skin.

Reassured yet again, Mikey looks away, fighting anger and frustration, but mostly fear. Useless emotions that he’s learned to conceal. It’s then he turns, reaching for his dresser, pulling open the bottom drawer. Blindly he reaches inside, groping for the bottle – new, no age to this one at all – which is tucked at the back, hidden behind underwear and odd socks.

Fingers clasping around plastic, Mikey sits back against the bed, knees up, head down. He rolls the bottle between his palms -- vodka disguised as soda -- because Mikey isn’t Gerard, displaying his vices for all to see. Instead he keeps his demons internalised, locked away so he can keep on going and always be there as support.

A last look behind and Mikey slowly untwists the top of the bottle. He brings it to his mouth and takes a sip, welcoming the warmth in his throat, his belly, a comfort as he sits and waits. Because Mikey loves his brother, loves him deeply, and if that means watching, making sure Gerard doesn’t destroy his own life. That’s exactly what he’ll do. Whatever it takes.

Tags: ,

58 mutant blasts or blast me
Comments
paperdollkisses From: paperdollkisses Date: January 10th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good God Woman! I'm not even a fan of these guys and I'm in love with this! So heartbreakingly fabulous.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 02:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh man, Jo. Thank you!

I was expecting to post to a stony silence, so I love you a lot right now :)
sori1773 From: sori1773 Date: January 10th, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Painfully, vividly hurty. Ouch. This is so Mikey and Gerard; you've managed to capture their quietly desperate love perfectly. Wow.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 07:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so glad that you think I captured them, because wow, was I worried about that.

Thank you so much for the comment.
From: turlough Date: January 10th, 2008 03:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is awful and terrible and so very, very beautiful.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry :(

Tell you what, as you've been a star for encouraging me, give me any prompt and I try my hand at happy fic for you.
randomling From: randomling Date: January 10th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow. That's just gorgeous. And I'm not getting into bandslash. :P

Seriously though: brilliant. I think I'll read anything you write even if I don't know anything about the fandom!
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
You should get into bandslash. Just dabble like I do. It's fun.

And you say lovely things, so, thank you!
geneli4 From: geneli4 Date: January 10th, 2008 03:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
oh, terri. this is so tactile, so immediate and still so fused with everything that's come before, everything that comes after.

i love this line especially:
Except Gerard got there first and Mikey’s nothing but a spectator now.

because being gerard's little brother would be hard for anybody, even back then. maybe moreso back then than ever. ♥
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
You give the best comments, seriously.

Coming into a new fandom I worry about writing stuff that actually makes sense. Not just a story with two familiar names, you know? So I'm so glad it worked for you.

Thank you.
ravenbat From: ravenbat Date: January 10th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so not into this fandom, but I had to read this because it was yours. It was really good, Ter. Just sucked my right in and held my attention.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Raven, you're awesome!

Thank you so much for reading, and letting me know. You made my day :)
vaudevilles From: vaudevilles Date: January 10th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh OW. OWOWOWOWOW! Which also looks like WOW. With good reason.

This rocks and hurts and is utterly beautiful.

And there's a wee typo in Gerard’s breathe is alcohol and cigarettes - which should be "breath", because I may not be able to beta for bandom, but I can't help myself with you!
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much.

I was so worried about this, so I'm so glad people are enjoying reading it. Well, enjoying amongst the pain *g*

You're awesome, thank you. It's changed
saba1789 From: saba1789 Date: January 10th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG Terri! This is so painful! And perfect! And OMG, I love your Mikeyway SO HARD.

Whatever it takes.

*flails, FLAILS A LOT*

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this :) .
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh my goodness. Your comment is flail worthy. Because I love Mikey in this too, because he loves Gerard so much, despite all the bad times.

Thank you for the comment.
woolly_socks From: woolly_socks Date: January 10th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
hey, just swinging by to say thanks for the Christmas card! You are SO SWEET, and it's totally adorable. I hope you had a good Christmas! vaudevilles has no doubt told you how much hers sucked; mine was not so bad. :-)
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're very welcome. I just wish they'd got there in time. Stupid post office, taking nearly 6 weeks to deliver things.
(Deleted comment)
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 11:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Living so closely with Gerard back then wouldn't have been fun at all. I feel sorry for them both.

Thank you so much for the comment :)
duoshinigami From: duoshinigami Date: January 10th, 2008 11:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was so very very sad. Like, in a crippling way. I do believe that is what you are going for though so good job! But still...Things with drinking and drugs always get me--and just, poor Gerard...and poor Mikey. I do think it's really great how you connected to the picture to the story and all the wonderful comparisons you made relating to Gerard.

It was touching and heart wrenching. ♥ good job lovely lady
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I'm sorry for making you sad, honey. I know how you feel about the whole drinks and drugs thing.

Thank you for reading anyway. I appreciate it a lot. *smooch*
audrarose From: audrarose Date: January 10th, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
*sob*

oh, Mikey! who seemed so breakable somehow? regardless of what he was thinking? but honey, it was gerard in this who was utterly heart-breaking. omg. so good. beautifully done. *loves*
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 10th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Mikey :(

Yes, he's trying to be so strong, but is doomed to fail, and he knows that.

But yeah, Gerard breaks my heart too.

Thank you so much for the comment.
shutyourface From: shutyourface Date: January 11th, 2008 01:45 am (UTC) (Link)
OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH. MIKEYWAY!!
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 11th, 2008 07:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I know! :(
clumsygyrl From: clumsygyrl Date: January 11th, 2008 04:16 am (UTC) (Link)
oh terri. this was lush with detail and just heart wrenching. i feel like few people write this mikey. let alone write this mikey well.

\o/

it broke me, but there's hope. and that's what i like to see. ;)
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 11th, 2008 07:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Man, Fi. I was so scared posting this, that I'd written something that wasn't them two at all.

So thank you for reading and commenting.

And yes, totally hope there.
lovelypoet From: lovelypoet Date: January 11th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC) (Link)
God, this just hurt in ways I can't even really explain. And was so, so, so well done.

turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 11th, 2008 07:08 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much.

It means a lot that you took the time to comment and read.
frausorge From: frausorge Date: January 11th, 2008 05:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Normally I try to avoid using this phrase, but in this case it applies: I TOLD YOU SO! Still beautiful and still heartwrenching and oh.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 11th, 2008 07:07 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm still ovejoyed that people are actually reading, and enjoying it. Well as much enjoyment as you can get while being broken.

Thank you so much, for the comment and the encouragement.
(Deleted comment)
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 11th, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed :)
erilyn From: erilyn Date: January 11th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh Mikey.

This is gorgeous and painful and feels so spot-on.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 12th, 2008 08:49 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

More than anything I'm glad people think the characterisation is okay, because I was worried about that.
themoononastick From: themoononastick Date: January 18th, 2008 12:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow! This is utterly beautiful in a heart-breaking kind of a way. The atmosphere and the emotions are so tangible, it really is a gorgeous piece of writing.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 18th, 2008 01:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!

I'm really kind of proud of this story, so I'm so glad you liked it too.
kaethe From: kaethe Date: January 20th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, how sad, and yet beautifully described, with just the right balance of angst and love.
turps33 From: turps33 Date: January 20th, 2008 10:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much!

It means a lot that you read :)
58 mutant blasts or blast me